I'm not going to do it;
too tired, want to just lie in bed, watch mindless tv.
But, on the drive home tonight, which began at 6:40pm, I seriously considered going out for a run tonight.
Not to log miles;
not to stretch sore muscles;
not to see how my recovery is after the 50K on Saturday.
No, I wanted to run because I was itchy. I still am.
It's that itchiness that comes on slowly and then just about causes you to tear your own skin off. It's that itchiness that results from being forced to sit in a boring meeting (that goes long), listen to a long-winded speaker, or drive behind someone going 45 in a 55 zone.
I really shouldn't say on a public blog what or who actually made/makes me itchy tonight. Let's just say, however, that when people ask me what I'm going to do once I get my law degree, there is one very good, and oft confirmed reason why I say, "I'm going into solo practice."
Maybe that's why I enjoy running.... trail running ..... ultra trail running so much.
It's not so much that I like being with myself. I'm not that great of a person, and if I were to focus much more on myself (look inside myself), I'd be miserable.
It's just that with ultra trail running, I don't have to listen to someone else talk about all the reasons why they aren't prepared, why their life is so strained, and try to follow the "logic" of their prattle.
When I'm running, I'm not trapped.
Speed up, slow down, a muddy hill, a restroom break: secret escape routes.
I'm usually patient, long-suffering with others. In fact, I don't believe that my life is my own, to be used for my own purposes, my own ends. Being captive is not a bad thing if the Captor is supreme and good.
But tonight, I needed a run just to clear my head, be alone, and not feel trapped by another person. Usually, those runs get the itchiness out of me.